my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
