Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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