Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
