How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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