I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
