We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My life is pants optional.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
