he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
