I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
