Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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