WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
