im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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