i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
