Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
