; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
