How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
