I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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