My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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