you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
