Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
