I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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