Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
