i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
