In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
no, he came in my armpit
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
