Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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