If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I got inside last night via doggy door
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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