I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
