i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
