Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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