i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
