The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
