And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
