Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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