Kiss
Puke
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
