honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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