Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
