Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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