Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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