Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
