At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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