when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
