come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
