I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
