You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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