Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
