i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
