he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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