This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
