about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
