I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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