And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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