a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
